my beautiful flamenco dancer

Words can't describe how i feel each time I see you on that stage.  You are brave and confident and focused and excited.  Mostly… I watch you and think how lucky I am to be your mama.  You love dance and I love that you love dance!  I will always be your biggest cheerleader.  And you will always have my heart.
mama

Last day.

I have walked to school with you for the last 6 years of my life.  I have prayed over you both everyday.  I have hoped you would make wise choices.  I have expected good behavior.  I have believed you would choose kindness.
You each have made me SO incredibly proud.  You have both excelled in your academics.  You have both been awarded citizen of the quarter every year.  You have both tried your hardest.  I could not have asked for more.
As we walked that last walk… on the last day of school… I knew it was so much more than that for us.  It was your last day at Wilson Elementary School also.  It was a bitter sweet day.  As your names were called for the awards…my eyes filled with tears.  Wilson had been good to us and you both had been good to Wilson.
We will start our new school adventure in August.  I am excited and nervous and scared and thrilled about homeschooling you both.  I can't wait to be a bigger part of your education.  After 6 years of praying about this … we finally said yes.  Yes… to God.  I know we will have good and bad days ahead of us.  But I also know WE can do anything… because of our faith.
I love you both… I know you will continue to make us proud.
mama

 

                                                                MOTHERS DAY 2014


As we spend the last couple of months in this home and start yet another new adventure I feel so THANKFUL.  I am so thankful that we are together.  I am thankful that we choose each other everyday.  I am thankful that your daddy works so hard for us.  You three made me a mommy.  I am on my knees grateful everyday for that gift.  I learn something new about myself everyday from you all.  You make me want to be a better person.  You make make me feel more. You definitely make me laugh more.  You bring so much joy and warmth to my heart.  Thank you for loving me and all my flaws.  I will love you until the day I die and even beyond that.

THREE.

You did it!  You turned three!!!!!!!  I can NOT believe that you are THREE.  It really seems like yesterday that you were born.  We have learned so much as a family since you made us a family of 5!  You Love your brother and sister SOOOOO much.  You want to play with them all the time and most of the time… they let you!  You always shoot me this sweet/ ornery smile.  It makes my heart want to explode.  You play with your cars all day everyday.  You run, run, run and run all day everyday.  Thank you for loving us.  You were the best idea I ever had.  xoxo.. mama bear

my 8 year old daughter...

You are now 8.  I really can't believe it.  It seems like yesterday I was bringing you home from the hospital.  I could never have imagined then how much I could love you.  Your heart amazes me.  It really touches my soul.  You give and give and give.  If you ever have money.. you always want to spend some on your brothers.  If you are at school and get a prize.. you get something your brothers would love.  You always want to share your heart with your family and friends.  You bless me everyday.  And your laugh…. it is the best thing in the world.  Always know I am proud of you.  You are beautiful… inside and out.  

Fall... my favorite.

Pumpkin Patch Day.  2013

 We always start this day by going to cracker barrel.  Then we head out to enjoy the pumpkin patch for several hours.  It is always one of my very favorite days with my family.

Alzheimer's Walk 2013

We Walk.

We walk to end Alzheimer's.

We walk to remember my daddy.

We walk to celebrate his life.

We walk to honor my mama and how she took care of him.

We walk so we won't have this terrible disease.

We walk to change the future of our children.

We walk in honor of all those affected by this disease.  

www.alz.org

Jude Samuel Gardner.  I can't believe you are TEN YEARS OLD!!!!!!!  How??  Sometimes... it seriously makes me cry.  Actual tears.  But then I think of how blessed I am that you have been mine for ten years.  You are such an amazing kid.  You surprise me everyday with how smart you are.. smarty pants.  You take after your daddy in that area!!  You don't surprise me with how kind you are... you have always been that way.  You have a heart for people.  That is my favorite thing about you.  You love to read, run, create, play outside and so much more!  You bless our family everyday and I pray that you always let God guide you.  I know you have amazing things in store for your life.  You are a beautiful child and I love you with my whole heart.

4th grade and 2nd grade.

When did this happen?????  How did you both get so big?  I can't believe it... it was just yesterday you were crawling around and on my hip.  I hope you both know how proud I am.  You both have amazing hearts.  You both are hard workers.  I love that.  And... I love you both so very much.  I hope you have an amazing year learning. 

soccer.

my soccer kids.  

jude... you are amazing.  you play so hard every single game.  you run with all your heart.  and let me tell you.... you are one fast guy.  but one thing that totally amazes me about you is how much you care. you care that you practice hard.  you care that you try your best.  you care that you run super fast.  you care that you give everything on that field.  and most of all you care about your team and even the other  players.  i love watching you.  i love cheering for you.  i love praying for you.  

isabella... so this was your first year to play soccer.  your dad and i both thought you were kidding when you asked.  i kept telling you... you know you might get hurt, that ball might hit you.. you might get knocked down.  yep.. you said.. but i still want to play.  ok, ok.. we let you.  and boy did you surprise us!  you loved every minute. you were fast and smart on that field.  and very very tough!  you were not afraid of anyone.  i am so glad i didn't listen to my fears.  i am so glad you loved that experience.  i am so glad you are your own person.  i love you with all my heart.  

could you possibly know???

My Sweet Isabella....

Could you possibly know how proud I am of you??  You work so hard all year at dance and to see you on that college stage performing your dance is so amazing.  You really surprise me sometimes.  You tend to be on the quiet side... sometimes even shy.  But when your feet hit that stage... you are a performer.  You are a dancer.  I hope you always know that no matter what path you go down in this life... .I am here for you.  I will always cheer you on.  I will always love you and that beauty you let shine through.  xo.. mama

oh my.

oh my.  dudley... you are such a sweetie.  i laugh with you everyday.  you are such a funny little guy.  you remind us so much of jude....yet you still have so many qualities that are all your own.  you still play with cars.... all. the. time.   you are starting to really like books (mostly about cars and trucks).  you are learning your colors.  yay.  you almost have them down!!  you have sooooooo much energy.  daddy and i are reminded everyday that we are getting older because of all of your energy. you want to walk every night on our walks instead of being in your stroller.  you want to be where your sister and brother are all the time.  i fear you will be sooo sad when they go back to school.  you say "sunshine hold you" every night.  that is our time... i hold you and sing you are my sunshine.  it is one of the best parts of my day.  i hope you know how much i love you.  i hope you know how much i have prayed for you.  i hope you know that you have made our family better.  tired... definitely tired... and better.

You are learning.

You are learning.

This was your first time to mow.  I loved watching Daddy teach you what to do.  I loved watching him teach you how to be safe.  I loved watching him teach you responsibility.  Your daddy is the hardest working man I know (... just like my daddy).  You will learn so many things from him this life.  I pray that you will always know how much he loves you.  I pray that you become a great man... just like your daddy.

it was mothers day...

It was mothers day.  It started as any other day.  I had in my mind "this is my day.. I will relax today".  Hmm..... that didn't last long.  I mean .. come on.. I have a two year old.  I did enjoy a breakfast made by my family and then... dishes and cleaning and working on our never ending project home.. and cleaning and getting groceries.  

Hmmm... not much relaxing happened.  I could tell I was getting frustrated.  I mean.. again... It was my day.  

BUT then... we decided on a picnic in our front yard.  I sat and watched my beautiful children run around and laugh and play and tease and get upset and laugh again and play again....  I thought to myself... these are the people who made me this celebrated name.  They made me more happy than I ever thought I could be.  They made me more scared than I ever thought I could be.  They made me laugh more, pray more, cry more, love more, go crazy more, dance more, read more, joke more, scream more, ache more, dream more and hope more.  

They are part of me.  I am part of them.  

So.... why did I ever think I would relax.  :)  Mothers day is like any other day.  I am a mother every day and will be for the rest of my life.  I thank God that he gave them to me.  I thank God that He is in control of their lives.  I thank God that I get to be a small part of who they become.  

I will always thank God for mothers day.... and for every other day of the year.  

I love you Jude Samuel.

I love you Isabella D'ann.

I love you Dudley Paul.

You will always have my heart....  forever... mama.

growing up..and I don't like it.

My sweet Isabella D'ann.... you are growing up so fast.  It was just a couple of weeks ago you said... "mama, I want to grow my bangs out."  I wasn't sure why that hit me so hard but it did.  Then I figured it out.  I remembered when I said the same thing to my mama.  You are growing up so fast.  There are moments when I wish I could take you and keep you small forever.  And then there are times when I love that you love to shop with me or go to lunch with me or just hang out together.  I hope you always remember what I have told you your entire life... pretty on the inside makes pretty on the outside.  You are so beautiful.  Those eyes that pierce my soul... that cute as a button nose.. those perfect eyebrows any grown woman would love... those rose shaded lips.... But the thing that shines through the most is your spirit.  You are the most giving child I know.  Truly.  Any time you earn money or you are given money...you always get something for your brothers with it.  Always.  Even friday when I picked you up from school and you finally got to "shop" in the "store" your teacher had created.... with money YOU earned for the last few months (by doing things in the classroom)....you got 2 things for your brothers.  I'm telling you.. that melted my heart.  

Thank you for being kind and loving and YOU.  Don't ever be afraid to be exactly how you are... God did an amazing job when He created you.  Amazing.  

keeping these moments with me.

It doesn't happen very often.  The moments where you stop and let me snuggle with you.  But yesterday you did... you came up to me and just let me hold you.  I remember standing in front of the mirror and holding you.  I just thought how lucky I was to be at home with you.  How blessed I was to be able to snuggle and have you snuggle back.  I remember thinking ... I will keep this with me forever.   I love you... my dudley paul.  

16 years ago....

16 years ago you were born.  16 years ago I became an aunt for the first time. 16 years ago I became KIKI.  16 years ago I learned what it meant to adore someone.

Carson.  Happy Birthday.  Happy 16th birthday.  I can't believe it.  I still remember walking into that hospital room and meeting you for the first time.  Looking at my sister and thinking how amazing she was... and how beautiful you were.  You and me... we were always buddies.

I hope you know how proud kuku and I are of you.  You are the sweetest 16 year old boy I could imagine.

I know life has amazing things in store for you.

Happy 16th... we love you.  More than words.

kiki

TWO.

you are two.  

you are beautiful.

you are fun.

you are a stinker.

you are strong.

you are sweet.

you are trying.

you are fast.

you are incredible.

you are love.

you are a good idea.

happy birthday... my birthday boy.

all my heart.  forever.  mama.  

my citizens of the quarter....

i couldn't be more proud.  

i realized that one of the reasons why i love the holidays so much (yes... i know... it's over) is because it meant that my family would all be together.  Being the baby of the family... my siblings are 5,7,9 and 14 years older than me.... the holidays meant they were coming home.  as we have all grown up and moved away it is very very rare that i get to spend the holidays with all of them.  this year one of my brothers came home.  billy has always been billy.  he is funny, talented, kind and honest.  i am so proud of the life he has made for himself.  he is an actor. and became a pilot after our dad died. 

i love you.