Merry Christmas.  Much love to you all.  

merry CHRISTmas.

So... this is our life.  I thank God everyday that he has given these three little cuties to us.  Friday's events reminded me yet again how quickly life can change.  Those families reminded me to hug and kiss my children even more than I already do.  I'm quite sure that the images of those faces will stay in my heart forever.  

It is hard for me sometimes to remember to not stress out in my life and to just enjoy the moments. Like the photos below... the moments of complete lack of interest (see photo #1) or the moments of complete breakdown (see photo #2).  I would say (and my bffs would agree) that I'm NOT a real go with the flow type of gal.  My two BFFs are for sure that way and I envy them.  I know my and accept my control issues and really do try to confront them and change.  But most of the time I go back to my OCD ways.  Both #1 and #2 photos resemble much of our life right now.  Complete abandon to anything going the way I want it to.  Isn't that what life is about anyhow?  What I want?  Ok... I know that's not really true.  This CHRISTmas season is reminding me in many ways... It isn't about ME.  In the bible there is a story of Martha and Mary with Jesus.  My mama didn't know she was giving me the perfect name when she named me Tiffany Martha.  Now... I am named after a beautiful, strong, smart and God loving woman (my grandmother) but as I grow older I see I am like Martha in the bible in many ways.  You see... Mary was the one who dropped to her knees and just spent time with the Lord when he walked in the room but Martha.... dear Martha... she was too BUSY doing other things.  I imagine... making sure things were picked up, clean, cooked, put in there correct spots ... anything but just being with the Lord.  I don't' like to admit it but that is me.  I am Martha.. in more ways than one.  

"Martha, Martha" the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed - or indeed only one".  Luke 10: 41-42

As today is beginning... I will continue to Love my name.  In fact the people closest to me call me only that.  But today I will be Tiffany Martha.  My grandmother's daughter.  I will try to not be Martha of the bible.  I will be different.  I will remember what this season is really about instead of being stressed in a home under construction...Instead of being stressed that I'm not done shopping... Instead of being stressed about all my teeth pains... Instead of being stressed about schedules.  

And maybe... just maybe....

I will have more moments like these.  Moments where even if just for a second... everyone is behaving and happy and in the moment of just being together.  After all .... My mama always said..

.THIS IS THE BEST TIME OF MY LIFE.  

Merry CHRISTmas to you and your families.  I pray this season reminds you too to hug and kiss your loved ones.  To forget about how different we all are and just remember how much we are alike.  We are humans created by an amazing God to LOVE each other.  

my heart is sad...

My heart goes out to the families of those loved ones who died today in CT.  I am so deeply sorry for your loss.  My prayers and the prayers of my family will be with you all.

take a breath..

take a breath.  take a breath.  take a breath.  

i remind myself this many times each day.  i find us rushing. all. the. time.  between the big kids and school and activities and the little one and all his fits... it is hard to slow down.  if i am being honest... it is hard for me to just sit down and enjoy life.  i see dishes, laundry, toys, unfinished projects, meals that need to be prepared, more laundry and on..   i always hear my mama in my head saying they won't be this little forever... this is the best time in our lives.. yet many days i am counting the hours to when my head gets to hit the pillow.  today i want to be different.  today i want to stop rushing.  today i want to sit and enjoy the minutes with my little loves.  today i want to live in the moment and be grateful for them.  

one cool family....

I was so super happy to spend some time with this seriously cool family.  They are the type of people who don't try to be cool... they just are.  Dana is such an awesome mama.  I can see it.  Her boys ADORE her.  She has such a beautiful spirit.  And just look at those cutie boys.  So fun.  

little sweets....

So much fun!  These little sweets are my dearest friend's children.  I see their mama in each of them.  They are smart.  They are fun. They are beautiful.  I'm so glad I get to see each of you grow up.  

My heart is full....

With a grateful heart I say thanks.  I am SO grateful to the Lord for blessing me with these wonderful kids.  I am learning so much about them and myself everyday.  I knew the moment each one of them was born I would be different.  I pray everyday that they grown into people who love God and have a heart for people.  All people.  Jude, I am thankful for your spirit.  Isabella.. I am thankful for your heart.  Dudley.. I am thankful for your passion. 

I am also thankful for this.  You are my best friend.  You are the one I dream about growing old with.. You are the one who loves me .. in spite of me.  You are determined to make our lives better.   I know I don't say it enough but I am thankful for all of it.  I am thankful for the last 18 years with you.

I am thankful for our crazy, busy, simple, creative, passionate and beautiful life.  

my hero

In memory of my hero...  my daddy

               Thanks to all the men and women who have served and are serving our amazing country.

You keep me JUMPING!

Oh my.. Oh my.. Dudley Paul.  You are almost two and I can't believe it!  You love me and challenge me.  You make me adore you everyday.  Thank you for loving me and letting me love you.  You had my heart before I even knew of you....

It is not halloween...

I walked in the house and found you staring at yourself in the mirror.  I didn't realize until you turned around that you looked like this.  I could tell by the professionalism of the mustache that it was NOT done by you!  Isabella confessed and said but mama... he is just SOOOOO cute now.  I said ISABELLA.. IT'S NOT HALLOWEEN AND THAT WAS NOT A WASHABLE MARKER!

this... this WAS halloween.  Meet my little cow kids. :)

in the same boat!

I loved spending my sunday evening with all of you.  I can't say your name without saying miss Shelby (steel magnolias).... so.. miss Shelby THANK YOU.  Thanks for letting me chase all your little ones around.  They make me smile and make my heart full.  And boy are we in the same boat with our boys.  It's so comforting to have someone who understands what stage in life I'm in.  I'm glad we can laugh together about them!  You are as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside.  Thanks for sharing your family with me.  

and... drew... I can only say sorry.  :)  we will never make you go through that again.  until next year.  

my how you've grown.

Miss Tatum.  You are SO stinkin cute!  Seriously!  You make my work so easy.  I'm so glad your mommy and daddy bring you and come see me every year.  I'm grateful to have known them my entire life.  You are such a beautiful reflection of them. 

You Shine...

I had so much fun with Lauren on her senior shoot!  She was so fun and sweet.  God was so good to give us such great weather for her shoot.  I pray you enjoy every moment of this last year in Chandler.  

You are SEVEN!!!!

My sweet Isabella... you are seven.  You are beautiful.  You are kind.  You are lovable.  You are my girl.  You are an amazing big and little sister.  You are exactly who God created you to be.  I hope you always know how much my heart loves you.  I hope you always know how proud I am of you.  I hope you always know I have prayed for you every day of your life.  I am so thankful to God for giving you  to us.  My sweet Isabella.

october 21st.

i can't go to bed without telling the first love of my life.. happy birthday.  you would be 84 today.  i can't even imagine that.  it sounds old.  but you were never old.  you had the most energy of any person i knew.  and always full of hope.  even if today was a good day, tomorrow would be better.  october is so full of you.  maybe that is why it is my very favorite month.  i have faith that you are having an incredible day.  seeing the most amazing things.  being loved by all the ones who went before you.  while you are there waiting on us... i know that you know we think of you everyday.  you are always in my heart.  always will be.  you are missed.

happy birthday my daddy.

today...

as i left for my walk this morning.. i looked up and there it was.  it was so close i thought i could touch it.  it was for me today.  only me.  it was telling me.... it's going to be ok.

it was an airplane.

one of the many my daddy flew.

i woke up full of sadness.  wishing that daddy was here with us today.  wishing that he could continue his life with my mama... the love of his life.  wishing that he was here to see how incredible my sister and her kids are.  wishing he could see the life scott and mary have made and how hard they work.  wishing he could see all that billy has done in his life and how determined he is... (exactly like daddy himself).  wishing he could see what all jeremy has created.  wishing he could see how jude has his sense of humor and isabella has his heart.  wishing he could meet sweet and ornery dudley... he would just laugh and laugh at him.  wishing he could see that everyday i remember everything he taught me about life.  i just woke up with tears.

after all.... it has happened.  i can't even remember the sound of his voice.

six years ago we said goodbye.  goodbye to the pain of alzheimer's we all had endured.  but also.. goodbye to you.  in a whole lifetime i couldn't imagine what that was going to be like.

then.. the airplane.  i just couldn't be sad.  i was just so thankful.  so overwhelmed with thankfulness.  

today i am going to choose to be thankful.  i am going to choose joy.  today i am going to remember my daddy and his unbelievable life.

we walk for you....

Today is such a special day for me.  Today is the day we walk.  We walk to remember our father.  We walk to remember all the sacrifices our mama made to take care of him.  We walk in honor of their love and devotion to each other and us.  We walk for all the families affected by Alzheimer's disease.  We walk for ourselves, our children and our children's children.  We walk to make tomorrow a world with NO Alzheimer's.  Thanks to ALL of you who donated to the Alzheimer's fund.  Today you changed a life.  Today... you changed the world.  

some days..

Some days you are just so silly.  You do test me many times in the day but sometimes... you have the best day.  You laugh and run and laugh and run.  This photo reminds me of one of those days.  I'm grateful that God gave you to us.  I always knew our family wasn't complete... now... I know why.

little one

Sweet Dudley Paul... You are getting so big.  I can't believe how much you are talking.  WOW!  Everyday you say something new.  You are so fast... sometimes I can't even catch you!  (reminds me of someone else in our family) You have the best smile and stink eye.  You are my little love.

you changed me....

Nine years ago you changed me.  You made me want to be a better person.  You made me slow down and enjoy every moment.  You made me pray... a lot!  You made me love like I have never loved.  You made me smile and laugh more than I had my entire life... and sometimes cry (thank you three year old).   You made me RUN.  A LOT.  EVERYDAY.  You made me create more.  You made me read more.  You made my  heart bigger.
You still do all these things to me... my Jude.  You are an AMAZING child.  You are strong willed ... yet gentle.  You are funny and sensitive.  You are athletic and patient.  You are a wonderful big brother to your sister and baby brother.  I thank God everyday for your life.  You are incredible creation.  I love you with all my heart.  always will.    Mama

first day...

How is it possible that school is starting today?  What??  We just got out... right?  Ok... so I am not one of those mom's that can't wait for the first day of school.  I am not dancing down the isles  of target getting school supplies.  I do love watching my children grow and learn.  I do love the excitement a new school year brings.  I do love all the possibilities for my kids.  I just am sad to see them go.  :(  I am sad to not have them under my feet all day long.  And when Dudley climbed on the stairs this morning and yelled..... JJJJJJuuuuuuuddddeeeee??????  I was sad.  But now we go on... praying for a safe and healthy and fun year.  Praying that God leads us as we raise our kids.  Praying that I always have the courage to do what God wants us to do and what is best for our family.

You guys will be great!  I just know it!!  You will rock this first day!  Dudley and I will be waiting with open arms!!!!

mama

cutie. patootie.

What a cutie this almost three year old is... miss Carley!  I had so much fun with you on our shoot.  We laughed and jumped and ran and played.  You have grown up so much in such a short time!  You are so sweet... just like your mama!  Thanks for spending the evening with me... so glad we missed the rain!!!

P.S.  Hope you get that zebra you wanted for your birthday.  xoxo

Daddy day...

From the moment Jude was born you have been an amazing daddy.  You love to play with the kids, read with the kids and just hang out with them.  I love that you think they are so cool!  Thanks for being my partner and always being willing to help out with the kids.  I see so many of your qualities in each of them.  They are going to have amazing lives because of what you invest in them.  We love you!

dancing beauty....

We LOVED going to your dance recital this weekend.  You did such a great job.  My heart was racing for you as you went on stage... a big college stage... but you were right at home.  You are so fun.  You amaze me everyday with your personality and kindness and laugh.  Love you with all my heart.

15 years...

We just celebrated 15 years of marriage.  If you told me when I was 16 I would marry you.... I would have said... Yep!  I knew the moment I saw you that I was in love.  I still remember the moment you walked by the lockers before class started.... you were so cute.  I remember the tip I gave you taking my groceries out to the car.  I remember our first date 18 years ago.  I remember all the dates we took with your younger brothers and sister.  I remember summers swimming in the red mud pond.  I remember high school graduations.  I remember how excited and nervous I was the morning of our wedding.  I remember all our college years.  I remember how proud I was of you seeing you in the college cap and gown.  I remember every moment spent together on the east coast.  I remember all of our adventures.  I remember the moment you came home from work and I told you we were having a baby.  I remember the moment I told you we were having another baby (and you had to sit down.) I remember how you held my hand at my daddy's funeral.  I remember how much you loved my daddy.   I remember the moment I knew I needed to listen to you and move to the city.  I remember the moment on the porch when I knew we made the right decision.  I remember the moment I told you we were having yet another baby (5 and 1/2 years after our last.)  I remember all the nights we've been awake from sick or over tired kids.  I remember every moment you've chosen me.  Thank you for sharing this life with me.  If I grow old and can't remember this blessed life...full of love.. that you have provided for me... remember for me.   You are my forever. 

mommy day

thank you to my little family.  you have made me a mommy.  you have made me laugh.  you have made me cry.  you've made me happy.  you have made me tired.  you've made me run.  you have made me read.  you have made me excited.  you've made me proud.  you've made me patient.  you've made me impatient.  you've made me want to be a better human.  you've made me appreciate every moment.  i love you with everything i am.  i will always be your biggest cheerleaders, your protector, your place to run.  i will always be here for you.  thank you for making me a mommy.  my heart is yours.